75 days

Note: I am too exhausted and unmotivated to edit this post so brace yourself. 😊

I just checked a calendar. Today is my day 75. Almost 11 weeks. 10 full weekends without wine (well, I’ve been around plenty but none of it has been for me). I can’t believe it’s been so long.Β 

For the most part, I’ve not found the time too hard. But this week I struggled a lot. I’m still really struggling. I’m questioning myself a lot. Was I really that bad? Nobody else thought so, only me. I never hurt anyone.

I feel like I’m excluding myself from my peers. I’m only 24 and the only 24 year old in Ireland that I am aware of who doesn’t drink (I am sure there are others. I want to meet them). I’m struggling in particular because June is a big month for going out and social events where I work because we relocate for the summer at the start of July. All of the social activities that my work colleagues organise involve drinking. I want to bond with them. I spend so much time with them, and they are lovely people. But I keep backing out of our plans because I don’t know how to get out of drinking. Any time I come up with an excuse not to drink they suggest rescheduling so I don’t ‘miss out’ or have to ‘feel left out’. They are kind, making a great effort to include me. They don’t know that I’m lying to them. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that I can tell them about my issues, and I don’t want to. I’m not a permanent employee and I don’t want to be labelled or judged. I feel like I will be on edge and struggling and fighting with myself until the end of June. I need ways to cope with this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am considering pretending that I’m drinking. I just have to figure out how to do that.

On Wednesday I very nearly almost drank. I would say was at about 80% on the I’m going to drink scale. I was fed up, feeling left out, and stressed because I couldn’t come up with a believable excuse not to drink. I wanted to go and not drink, ideally. But when I realised that it would be hard to come up with a believable excuse I just felt like giving up. Fuck it.

But obviously there was a part of me who really didn’t want to give up because I came on here and asked for help. And I got it. Thank you so much to those who reached out to me and made me see clearly. I am so overwhelmed by the great people on here. You are all fantastic. A special thank you to Maggie at Sober Courage, who really made me see sense. Without this blog, I would have given up by now.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “75 days

  1. Wow 75 days is quite accomplishment! Congrats! Keep up the good work!

    My husband got sober when he was 21, And has bee sober fir 15 years now! You can do this! “Believe and you’re half way there!” Hugs!

    • Hi Maggie πŸ™‚

      Thanks so much for your comment, as always. I am in a much better place than I was this day last week! Your husband must be a very strong and perceptive person, managing to get sober so young. Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚ sending lots of hugs your way.

  2. I know what you mean about telling people you are not drinking but I have found that people don’t care as much as I thought they would about me not drinking. Perhaps a smallish white lie about making a bet to stay sober with a friend or a charity for a month or three might make people look the other way for a while. Then later you can just say that you are enjoying the positive health benefits and so are going to keep going for a while longer. It might be easier that way than trying to pretend you are drinking. I read some other blogger tried to do this and then someone in the group said I’ll have what she’s having and it all got very complicated. Anyway, congrats on day 80 now!

    • Hi there πŸ™‚ thanks for your comment – some very good advice. After we change departments for the summer I am going to take it as a fresh start and come back as a non drinker, using a little white lie such as the ones you’ve suggested. πŸ™‚

  3. I just ran across your blog…80 days is fantastic. As far as refusing drinks goes…I think I understand the professional thing…I don’t want to seem like one of those “dull nonedrinking types” by saying no thank you, and I certainly don’t want to drink…so I feel stuck. The best advice I’ve had so far is to just act like it’s the most normal thing in the world not to drink, and have a club soda with lime in it (or some variation)…this seems to keep most people from asking “where is your drink”. Good luck to you!

    • You’re right, eventually people will just get used to my not drinking. I have to remember that they probably don’t care even a fraction as much as I think they do. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s