Today was a big day. My department had an appraisal/inspection by head office. Jobs were on the line. It has been a stressful few weeks, preparing. Luckily no jobs were cut
So, tonight there is a big night out to celebrate. I’m going out with a friend first, and then we are meeting others. It’s going to be a big night, and I don’t know how I am going to get out of drinking. Especially when it will just be the two of us. I have no excuse and people will think I’m mad for not drinking. I don’t feel comfortable telling them about my issues. I want to celebrate with a few drinks.
This is the most I’ve contemplated drinking since I stopped. I’m really, really considering it. On one hand I am stressed out because I don’t know how to get out of not drinking. There will only be a small group of us altogether and I KNOW it won’t go unnoticed, as this night out has been planned for ages. That feeling is a huge reasons why I just feel like saying “fuck it”. Just one night. Pon the other hand, I really do want to. I wanna be carefree and not worry about making excuses not to drink. I feel like I can handle it, have a few drinks and go home. I know I could because I have to be up tomorrow and I can somehow restrain myself when I have work commitments. But if it’s no big deal then why am I on here? I feel so confused and stressed out, and afraid.