Please help

Today was a big day. My department had an appraisal/inspection by head office. Jobs were on the line. It has been a stressful few weeks, preparing. Luckily no jobs were cut

So, tonight there is a big night out to celebrate. I’m going out with a friend first, and then we are meeting others. It’s going to be a big night, and I don’t know how I am going to get out of drinking. Especially when it will just be the two of us. I have no excuse and people will think I’m mad for not drinking. I don’t feel comfortable telling them about my issues. I want to celebrate with a few drinks.

This is the most I’ve contemplated drinking since I stopped. I’m really, really considering it. On one hand I am stressed out because I don’t know how to get out of not drinking. There will only be a small group of us altogether and I KNOW it won’t go unnoticed, as this night out has been planned for ages. That feeling is a huge reasons why I just feel like saying “fuck it”. Just one night. Pon the other hand, I really do want to. I wanna be carefree and not worry about making excuses not to drink. I feel like I can handle it, have a few drinks and go home. I know I could because I have to be up tomorrow and I can somehow restrain myself when I have work commitments. But if it’s no big deal then why am I on here? I feel so confused and stressed out, and afraid.

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24 thoughts on “Please help

  1. My experience with my addictions, whether food, drugs, or alcohol has always been that the reasons I use for breaking my sobriety or abstinence will always be there. Particularly with my eating disorder, I am always surprised how there really is no such thing as a tiny relapse, but it always leads to bigger and longer binges. In the more distant past, I found this to be the same with alcohol, drugs, and nicotine. I always got back to my previous levels of abuse when trying to do just a little.

    Based on my conversations with others, one of my personal concerns is whether or not I will make it back to sobriety if I decide to have just a few. Many do not.

    Over the years I have also found that my not drinking was much less of an issue to others than it was to myself. That is, although I thought not drinking would be a really big deal to others, that turned out not to be the case. Here is an example from my experience last year:

    http://processnotevent.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/staying-sober-at-11000-feet/

    Consider too that if you are not comfortable with explaining why you are not drinking, consider saying that you are on some medications that will violently interact with alcohol.

    I have been impressed that you have written about how much you have enjoyed yourself when sober. Perhaps this can be another learning experience on that road?

    Best,

    Robert

    • Hi Robert!

      Thanks for your comment, it was very helpful. Everything that you say is very true, I just don’t want it to be. I do have a great time sober, I really do. I just don’t know how to get out of the next few weeks’ social events. I stupidly didn’t say anything when my colleague spoke about ‘all the wine’ we’re going to consume later, because I panicked and couldn’t think of an excuse to give, because I was embarrassed/ashamed. So unfortunately it is too late to use the medication excuse. I am struggling to come up with another feasible one, and feeling really sad about having to fake illness or something to get out of what should be a fun and joyous occasion that I have been looking forward to for so long. 😦

  2. Hi, I can totally understand how you feel, I have been in many of these type of situations, and they are a bit hard to maneuver thru but not impossible. If I may, and I sure do not mean any disrespect, but your post sort of feels more like you have already made up your mind that you are going to drink because you can’t think of a way not to drink. If alcohol was something that you were deadly allergic too, would you be debating it? This is how I look at my addiction, life or death, because it can start as a little here and there, but I will always end up exactly where I was the last time and worse. I have yet heard anyone go back out and come back and say that it was the best time ever!

    I think you can totally do this sober! Use any excuse you need to, no one cares, trust me, and what’s worked for me the best is that i just don’t show up. Keep reaching out to people! Hugs!

    • Hi Maggie,

      Thank you. So much. I felt sick and angry after reading your message. Not because what you said was insulting, but because it was true. You really hit the nail on the head, and I hate it that you are right – I had made up my mind to drink because I had given up, and because I felt shame at not ‘being able to’.

      I’ve made an excuse. I don’t know if it’s believable but I can’t go back on it now.

      Thank you for giving me a kick up the arse, I needed it. Xxx

      • I am sorry, and thank you. I know this only because I have done the same exact thing, many times, and it took me four years of trial and tribulations to finally stop and stay stopped. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone! So if I can help someone not go thru what I did, than it’s worth it. In the end this is your journey and you will find what is right for you. But we are all here to help and support one another! Sending many hugs!

      • Thank you so much, and please don’t be sorry – you said exactly what I needed to hear. Your comment made me see the situation for what it really was, and I really didn’t like what I saw, but if needed to see it. Thank you thank you thank you. Your help and support is invaluable.

  3. Art Mowle says:

    I think Maggie is 100% correct. Look at it like, “if this were a medicine I was allergic too would I take it”? Alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful. Change your mind. Stop the pain

    Art

  4. Congrats on the appraisal going thru! I feel you on stressing the drinks out, though. You’ll be in a lot more of these situations, I hate to say. I have truly found after almost six months sober, it’s only in the alcoholically-inclined persons mind that it will be a travesty to the rest of the group if you don’t drink. Say you’re on a dry run for a couple months and most people shrug and move on. If they don’t, they’re projecting their own insecurities about their habits on you and worried you’ll judge THEM.

    • Hi novemberdry 🙂 thanks so much for your lovely comment 🙂 you’re right, there are going to be a lot more of these situations. I will have to build up some strategies to handle future events – but you’re right, those judging are always the ones who are more concerned about their own behaviours. Thank you, I feel better now 😊

  5. Youngfreesoberme, kudos to you for reaching out and for accepting the words offered by your community. The fact that you allowed yourself to be challenged by this group of folks is just amazing. Congrats to you. I hope you have a wonderful time. My new line is “I’m going to start with a tonic and lime.” Or to just say booze is not agreeing with me these days. Rarely do I get any crap about it. Kudos again!!!

    • Hi sobertherapist,
      Thank you for your kind words, they mean so much. I am so relieved. I feel so grateful for all you lovely people who I’ve never met – I wouldn’t have gotten through this evening without ye. I will have to plan better for events like this in the future, and deal with it. Eventually I will slowly break it to them that I don’t drink anymore. Well, that’s the dream 😉 thanks again.

  6. Hey youngfreesoberme, you are an inspiration and have been such a great example of how to have fun and live your life free and sober. Hope your night went well. I know what it is like to be with people who expect you to drink and just feeling like the odd person out. Some people need drinking partners. That’s a toughie. But I know you won’t regret staying sober!!! No way. Keep us posted, k? Xo

    • Hey clearlee 😊 thank you so much for your kind words 😊 I didn’t go in the end, but I did what I needed to do to save myself. Hopefully I’ll be able to figure out how to navigate these situations in the future!!! Hope you are keeping well!!!

    • I am so glad you didn’t! I have not been great with reading blogs lately (work, school, and trying to keep on top my daily blog), but I got teary-eyed thinking that you were going to drink.

      I think at times “I can handle a few beers tonight. ” Even last night, I sat next to a bar menu full of IPAs and thought “mmmm they sound good!” I told my friend to order one to drink since I can’t, but he doesn’t like IPAs. But I know even if I only had one last night, and then one every night for a week, my mind will silently be thinking “how many nights of only one until I can stop counting?” A month of only one or of not getting drunk will “prove” to me that I can moderate and then the blackouts will return.

      So glad you didn’t drink and hope you can start to face people and let them know you quit one day.

      Haha I feel I now over-do-it telling my drunk stories to people to convince them why I can’t drink. I get more worried my stories will bore or scare people away than my sobriety will. 🙂

      • Hey 365 Days 😊 Thank you for your comment, it meant a lot. It’s amazing how supportive this community is, we’re all rooting for each other. I don’t want to let anyone down, the shame would be awful. This blog and people like you were what kept me sober on Wednesday night. I can’t wait till I’m as brave as you 😊 xxx

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