Well, I survived my sober night club experience. I didn’t drink, and I had a great time. A success in my book 🙂
I think that I needed to go out with my friends like I used to, and stop hiding away. I can still have my life the way I want it. Saturday night made me feel stronger, like I can relaxing knowing that I made the right decision.
In recent years, I’ve not really gone to nightclubs all that often. But my drunkest nights nearly always involved them. Luckily for me, I managed to realise that I wanted to change before things got really bad. I would have a really drunken, blackout night only every month or so. But the hangovers and the anxiety would be so bad, and it would really affect my mental state.
Anyhow, in Ireland alcohol is really expensive, particularly in nightclubs. A lot of people ‘predrink’, i.e. gather in someone’s house and get drunk before going out. This is done with the aim of saving money; if we get drunk at home beforehand we won’t have to buy drinks in the club, right? Well, you can imagine that that very rarely if ever was the case. Predrinking just meant being extra extra drunk for me, and most of the time spending even more money. I stopped predrinking before I quit drinking, because I realised it was the mao common factor in all of my scary blackout nights.
It was evident to me that most of the people in the club on Saturday night had been predrinking. There were a lot of sloppy drunks. I would have given them a run for their money had I been drinking, I think. Though as I’ve mentioned before I apparently carried myself incredibly well when drunk. That both consoled and terrified me as I pretended to remember conversations and jokes I’d had with people the next day.
We went to a local bar at 9 pm for drinks before the nightclub. I told my friends when I arrived that I wasn’t drinking, because I was training for a race. A half truth. I am beginning to become more comfortable in divulging more truths about my not drinking. I’ve told people that I didn’t like how it made me feel the next day, and that I felt I just wasn’t getting the same pleasure out of the experience as I was before. So far that’s been enough. I’ve found that most people don’t even care. I don’t get questioned much about it. The bar was packed and I enjoyed great conversation with my friends. We left for the club at about midnight.
We met some other friends that night and they’d been drinking for quite some time. Regardless, they were handling themselves well, in my opinion. We talked and laughed in the smoking area. They didn’t even realise that I wasn’t drinking until someone made a joke about me almost knocking over a glass because I had had a little much to drink. My boyfriend laughed, saying that I was sober as a judge and hadn’t had a drop to drink. He by his own admission had had quite a bit to drink. He said that he should have been drunker than he felt. He is a lovely drunk. I loved him even more after Saturday night. He is so full of childlike love and happiness all the time, and it becomes even more potent when he is drunk. I didn’t really realise this before now because I was always drunk. But I saw it on Saturday and it made my heart swell with joy. It didn’t even make me wish I could drink like him, it just made me happy.
Towards the end of the night, most people were worse for wear. We went to get food, as one of my friends was starving. The rest of my friends went home, not wanting to wait in the queue. I said I’d wait. I didn’t mind. My friend seemed very down. I think she was pretty drunk, but it wasn’t affecting her physically. She was snappy with me and kept telling me that I could just go home without her. I refused, telling her I wanted to stay with her. I kept trying to cheer her up, pointing out the funny drunk people that littered the streets and trying to make her laugh. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. On the way home in the cab, she spoke angrily about her family for a minute or two. She was snappy with me when she was leaving the cab, and slammed the door in my face. I wasn’t mad. I knew that the alcohol was bring something out in her that she’d been suppressing in her sober life. She’s normally very happy go lucky. I wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay. She wouldn’t let me so I text her when I got home and told her that I loved her and that she’s amazing. We spoke yesterday, and she didn’t mention Saturday night, only referring to her hangover. I hope she’s okay.
Yesterday, I went to a big family reunion. There was a drinks reception, dinner with wine and that was followed by more drinks. I drank pints of water. I had one non alcoholic cocktail to start with, which was delicious, but extortionately expensive. Like on Saturday, I didn’t find it difficult not to drink. Once I have made up my mind that I’m not drinking before an event, I forget that drinking is an option. All I have to do is say yes. I just don’t. I had a great time with my family. I went to bed smiling, thinking about how great it was that I could stay up until the end two nights in a row and still get up feeling fresh. I woke up today with great memories of the night and a clear head. Finally, I’m making memories of these events, instead of flushing them away with my wine.
Everything is good. I’m happy 🙂