3 Sober Saturdays and why I hate the word ‘forever’.

Good morning world!

It’s 10:50 am here in Ireland, and I’ve been up for over 4 hours, doing paperwork for my work, and later on I’ll be hitting the gym. This would never have happened had I been drinking last night. I’m beginning to get used to this not drinking thing. It didn’t even occur to me last night – a FRIDAY night – that it would be a nice idea to pick up a cheap and cheerful bottle of white. I’m presuming that this can only be a good thing. 

Today is my third Saturday not drinking.

Anyhow, I am still sober. Day 20. Sometimes I think it’s getting easier; sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. I still can’t think of ‘forever’.Maybe I’ll never be comfortable with the whole idea of forever.

To be honest, I think I hate ‘forever’. If someone told me that I couldn’t have prawns ‘forever’ I would probably want to binge on prawns right now. And I absolutely detest prawns. Like many, I think I have a huge issue with the finality of forever and never. I feel like those words set me up for failure. They make whatever it is in question seem like a much bigger task than necessary, and so I feel like I can’t handle avoiding whatever it is that I can never do again. So then I crumble and go crazy doing whatever it is I’m ‘never supposed to do again’, the twisted logic behind this action being that if I’m going to mess this up (which I inevitably will – I mean NEVER?) I may as well do it right now, and in a spectacularly outrageous fashion while I’m at it. 

Aside from that, I can’t handle the feeling that I’m ‘depriving’ myself. ‘Everything in moderation’ is a phrase that I like to live by. Actually, let me rephrase that. It’s a phrase that I’d LIKE to live by. I am not very good at moderation, in any part of life. I always want more, of everything I commit myself to. Sometimes this is good: more exercise, more healthy food, more productivity, more self-improvement. More often than not, this is bad: more chocolate, more laziness, more self-pity, more alcohol. It is very difficult for me to find a balance. I’m on the good side of my ‘more’ issue at the moment – eating super healthy, exercising like a demon, getting shit done. But this can’t last forever, can it? Here I go again! Maybe I can continue to be committed to my healthy lifestyle. If I enjoy it, why shouldn’t I? I feel happy now. I just can’t put too much pressure on myself. I won’t think about ‘forever’ in regards to any part of my life; be it sobriety or otherwise.

I’m sober now. That’s what’s important.

Now to get the third sober Saturday under my belt; that’s enough for now.

Forever can kiss my ass.

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7 thoughts on “3 Sober Saturdays and why I hate the word ‘forever’.

  1. Congratulations on your three weeks of sobriety. That is wonderful accomplishment!

    Your post certainly resonates with my experience as well. I have really ceased thinking about the foreverness of not drinking. In fact, with a bunch of years of sobriety behind me, I leave drinking open as a distinct option if I choose to in the future. But I really do try to focus on not what I might do six months from now, or even six weeks from now, but what I am going to do today. What I like about sobriety is that if I focus on what I am going to do today, not just with alcohol, but in all of my life choices, my world is a much better place to live. I do not waste the opportunities of today on the tomorrow that is not even here.

    I have also come to see that sobriety is not about depriving myself of alcohol but being available for the opportunities that open up for me when I choose not to drink. So much of what I do on a day-to-day basis today would not happen if I drank – whether my career, my family, or life’s activities in general. For me, the moderation in other activities is based in a starting point of a sobriety that allows me the freedom to focus on aspects of my life other than alcohol.

    Best wishes

    • Hi Robert,

      Thank you for your comment – it’s great to hear that despite having a fear of the word ‘forever’ it is possible to still stay sober. And you are right – sobriety allows me to actually live my life. I wasn’t living properly before! I have to remember that. Thanks so much.

  2. wheatism says:

    Everyone is different but I have heard it said there is ‘a wall’ about a month into sobriety where the initial enthusiasm and feeling better becomes ‘normal’; all I can say is you have done brilliantly 🙂 One day at a time…

  3. You can beat this, i was awful for a long time, at my worst i weighed 110 pounds would go days without eating anything and went through a 12 pack of miller highlife plus a half gallon of vodka every single day. I have been clean and sober for 2 years and 9 months. If i can quit anyone can. Also never think about not being able to drink in the future, just get up and say for today I’m not gonna drink. After a little bit of sober time you don’t even have to tell yourself that anymore it just happens. Good luck and congratulations on 20 days sober

    • Hi 🙂
      Thank you so so much for your comment. I’ve just been reading your blog and I loved it. It made me feel excited for the future. Congratulations on all of your achievements – I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future. 🙂

      • Your very welcome, im very glad you liked my blog. I think it iis important for every addict to know you can have a normal life, no matter how bad you are, or actually better than normal because you will have a heightened sense of appreciation. Today will be your fourth Saturday and you are doing great.

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