Maybe I can moderate?

So yesterday I was meeting a few friends in a bar to watch some soccer. The whole day I was thinking about how good I’ve been feeling and those all too familiar thoughts started creeping in.

“Maybe I can start having a few drinks after a while.”

“My drinking never did anybody any harm.”
“Drinking is more fun than not drinking.”
“Maybe at big events.”
“Maybe this weekend you can have a few.”
“One or two tonight will do no harm.”
“I can moderate.”
“I’ve not been drinking for more than two weeks. Surely if I were an alcoholic I would not be able to just stop drinking.”

Oh dear. I need to nip this in the bud. I didn’t drink last night and it didn’t really bother me. It wasn’t a big night anyway, just a few drinks with friends, nobody was planning in getting drunk. But the idea of not drinking in the future bothers me. No release, no drunken chats in the bathroom, no ice cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc to sip on, no uninhibited dancing in nightclubs. No giddy excitement about the possibilities of the night.

I need to change my mindset. Remind myself that I’m not really missing out. I can have most of the things I listed above, apart from the wine. I just need to readjust I guess. I can still dance like a crazy person; I’ve been out sober before and had a great time dancing – I could lose my inhibitions too because everybody was too drunk to notice!

I read Jason Vale’s How to Kick Drink Easily around this time last year and ended up not drinking for over 3 months. I’m gonna read it again. I have to really believe that my life can be enjoyable without wine.


One thought on “Maybe I can moderate?

  1. For a long time, I tried to hold onto that idea that if I could just walk into a bar, have three beers like everyone else, and then go home, life would be good. I remember when I had done it once, and lived for the possibility to do it once again. . . but it never worked. I realize in fact that the only thing 3 beers ever did for me was make me sleepy and give me a slight headache.

    One of the big “aha” moments for me was coming to the understanding that it was not that I “could not” but that I “did not have to drink” – that is by living life on life’s terms I did not have to anesthetize myself with alcohol.

    As I sit here typing these words, I realize that if I choose to drink that my family, all of my friendships, and my career, will go out the door. Not even so much that they would all leave, but I just would no longer have an interest in them.

    Best wishes as you live into your recovery one day at a time. . . .

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