Getting into my stride

Today I went to the gym. I so so so SO didn’t want to go, but I was in a bad mood and I knew a bit of exercise would help it. My work colleagues were talking about the big night out they’ve planned for Saturday night, and I was so jealous, I would love to be able to go but it’s too risky. I don’t think I would be able to resist the peer pressure, and if I am totally honest with myself I would most likely drink. The realisation of that got me down a bit, so off to the gym I went for an endorphin hit.

Sometimes I love going to the gym, and sometimes I dread it. Today I was dreading it. I forced myself onto a treadmill and bargained with myself while I walked to warm up – 10 minutes on running, 10 on the elliptical and some weights, instead of my usual 3 miles plus 15 minutes on the elliptical.

But then a weird thing happened. I was running on the treadmill at about exactly an 8 minute mile pace – significantly faster than usual as I only planned to run for 10 minutes – and suddenly after about 5 minutes I began to actually enjoy the feeling of my heart racing and the sweat beading on my forehead (I know, gross). And I ended running 3 miles like I usually do, but at a much faster pace than usual. I finished in 24:04, one of my best times ever. So now I’m in the best mood!

I think the beginning of my ‘journey’ to a happy sober life is kind of like the first five minutes of a run. I feel uncomfortable, trying to find a rhythm and focusing on trying to convince myself that this is GOOD for me. I’m hoping that eventually I’ll get into my stride and start actually enjoying what’s happening, and feeling content and proud of myself. We’ll see.

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4 thoughts on “Getting into my stride

  1. Awesome. I compare the two also. When I am at the gym, I am like “I am gonna do this everyday! This is so great!” And I get home and whine “no I dont want to go back.” Just like that small voice that sometimes whine “I dont want to be sober.”

    • Haha I know what you mean! But I find that sometimes the days that I don’t really want to go are the days that I push myself even more, because I think “well, I’m after forcing myself to come in here so I had better make it worth my while”. But that mind set could be linked to drinking too; “well, I’m after going and drinking now – might as well go all out”. Oh yeah and the same also applies to eating now that I think of it “well, I just ate a piece of chocolate, so I might as well eat five cream cakes for my dinner, since I’ve messed up my whole day already”. Sigh 🙂

  2. Keep fighting the good fight, comrade. We’re all in this shit together. If you can get this sober thing down in your 20’s, you’re golden. I met an ex-pat the other day here. She comes to the Tuesday AA meetings in Shanghai. She’s 40 something. She has 20 something years sober. It can be done. Congrats on every day you don’t pick up. The sober blogging community is here for you. Email, comment, anything to make contact. It’s safe and anonymous. We’re all thousands of miles apart, and we’re all fighting the same battle. I’ll be checking back. Keep posting!

    • Hi Eric!
      Thanks so much for your comment. Sometimes I feel like tackling this sobriety thing in my twenties is ridiculous and that I’ve plenty of time yet, but when people like you tell me that it’s a good idea it helps me to stop questioning myself. Thanks so much for the support. I hope you are well! Thanks again 🙂

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