Today I went to the gym. I so so so SO didn’t want to go, but I was in a bad mood and I knew a bit of exercise would help it. My work colleagues were talking about the big night out they’ve planned for Saturday night, and I was so jealous, I would love to be able to go but it’s too risky. I don’t think I would be able to resist the peer pressure, and if I am totally honest with myself I would most likely drink. The realisation of that got me down a bit, so off to the gym I went for an endorphin hit.
Sometimes I love going to the gym, and sometimes I dread it. Today I was dreading it. I forced myself onto a treadmill and bargained with myself while I walked to warm up – 10 minutes on running, 10 on the elliptical and some weights, instead of my usual 3 miles plus 15 minutes on the elliptical.
But then a weird thing happened. I was running on the treadmill at about exactly an 8 minute mile pace – significantly faster than usual as I only planned to run for 10 minutes – and suddenly after about 5 minutes I began to actually enjoy the feeling of my heart racing and the sweat beading on my forehead (I know, gross). And I ended running 3 miles like I usually do, but at a much faster pace than usual. I finished in 24:04, one of my best times ever. So now I’m in the best mood!
I think the beginning of my ‘journey’ to a happy sober life is kind of like the first five minutes of a run. I feel uncomfortable, trying to find a rhythm and focusing on trying to convince myself that this is GOOD for me. I’m hoping that eventually I’ll get into my stride and start actually enjoying what’s happening, and feeling content and proud of myself. We’ll see.